Creative collaboration is partner dance transformed by intentional kindness & generosity. It's deeply playful, forgiving, and egalitarian. Leading & following still exist, but as fluid principles rather than assigned roles. The goal is to blend lead & follow and just play with your partner using all your dance skill & vocabulary, unbound by the confines of any particular dance with its codes, customs & other limitations. It's a glorious and utterly delicious way of dancing.
A wonderfully practical step we can take in that direction is to dance the other part. Not just go to a role-reversal workshop, but actually learn the other part and dance it some of the time. Dancing the other part quickly boosts our compassion for our partners: dancing the other part is hard! That makes it easier to be kind & generous. It begins to loosen the way we think about dancing; it opens our dancing up and shows us new possibilities. As our dancing opens up, we can begin to reimagine the roles themselves in collaborative terms. This page is an outline of the process that begins with learning the other part and moves in the direction of deeply egalitarian creative collaboration.
First off, learn the other part and actually dance it some. That's the cornerstone, the starting point. But don't wait to get started because you don't think you have enough skill or aren't ready to learn the other part. You can move in the direction of creative collaboration from wherever you are by simply being kind & generous; by simply dancing to make your partner happy.
Creative collaboration is relatively advanced partner dancing that relies on skill & experience, but that's not what's most important; kindness & generosity are way more important. Wherever you are in the lifelong process of learning to dance, you can move toward creative collaboration by 1. being kind & generous in your dancing, 2. learning more dance, and learning both parts as you do, and 3. learning different kinds of dances, dances that aren't related to the dances you already know. To get the best value out of dance classes, look for non-traditional teachers who encourage egalitarian, non-authoritarian dancing. As you learn, apply the principles of collaborative lead/follow to each bit of dance you learn.
Your dance skill, technique and trained reflexes create a fluid framework that makes it possible to dance with a partner but without a rigid framework, i.e. without being limited by the roles, rules, moves & conventions of any particular dance or dance world. Approaching creative collaboration will be much easier if you dance in more than one world, and you need to dance well enough that you no longer feel restricted to moves & choreography. Creative collaboration is improvisational; set moves don't work because either partner may do something unexpected, i.e. something creative, maybe something that doesn't fit the definitions of that dance or any dance, at any moment - e.g. right in the middle of a "move." The creative is always unexpected, always unpredictable. If you can predict it, it's not creative.
Instead of doing a set move or bit of choreography together you use the underlying dance elements that moves & choreography are made up of. To get to that, you first have to learn lots of moves & choreography, and learn them so well that some of the underlying elements begin to become part of you, in your muscles: a rich, eclectic vocabulary of elements you can combine in any way, and communicate with your partner about, without recourse to choreography and outside the confines of any particular dance world: it isn't swing, blues, tango, waltz or anything else; it's simply dancing together. It encompasses everything you've ever learned about any dance.
You also need skill & trained reflexes to save your ass from disaster at times. Creative collaboration is exploration: discovering and exploring new spaces with your partner. You go beyond what's familiar and safe into dance that's unfamiliar and not necessarily safe; you can't assume it's safe because you don't know what it is yet. If it turns out to be unsafe, your skill & reflexes take over when needed to avert disaster.
Independence of mind & spirit is a given for creative collaboration; this is dancing that doesn't fit any mold, so wherever you go to dance you're likely to be considered a misfit; really creative partner dancing doesn't fit very well with any dance establishment. To move toward creative collaboration you have to be willing to put up with some disfavor, and not let it constrain you. Dance safely and courteously, but otherwise cultivate friendly nonconformity. Traditionalists don't like nonconformity; just accept that.
Independence goes way deeper than just some potential friction with a dance establishment. Creative collaboration is each of you dancing your own dance, from the core, rather than memorized steps or moves you learned in class. You use what you learn in dance classes as a starting point, and move toward blending of your dance with your partner's, in a context where you're each making the other's happiness more important. You start from shared knowledge & skill and work toward real human connection as the heart of a creative dance connection; that's creative collaboration. You dance together with extravagant kindness & generosity, while at the same time you each dance your own dance, from the core.
Creative collaboration invites you to step out of any particular world of dance and dance without being bound by a particular set of rules & assumptions. You probably can't do that if you only know one world; how can you step out of it if that's the only place you're ever been? By dance world I mean any set of dances with enough rules & assumptions in common that dancers readily move from one dance to another. So for instance swing, lindy hop, WCS, blues, NC2, balboa, shag, charleston and related dances - that's all one dance world. Argentine tango/vals/milonga are another world, and there's the world of ballroom, of Louisiana dances, of street-style Latin dances & so on.
Knowing only one dance world keeps you from having the perspective to see that the codes & conventions of that world are limitations you don't necessarily have to be bound by. Each dance world imposes its own limitations, its own definitions of what dance is supposed to be - what's correct or authentic and what's not. Dance worlds tend to hold certain styles & customs from the past sacred. Creative collaboration holds nothing sacred: you mess around and experiment with everything rather than being bound by anything. Also, if you only know one world, it's easy to take it too seriously, not recognizing that however exquisite that world may be, it's just another arbitrary set of rules & codes; there are lots of worlds. Diversify! And play with your partner.
In class, you work on learning new dance, and you work on getting it right: you humble yourself, and apply yourself, and practice, so you learn the dance well - the better to mess with it later. But when you stop practicing and dance, there are no mistakes, just unexpected adventures. If you're not goofing up on the dance floor, you're stuck, playing it too safe by not really playing. Creativity is being willing to goof up. Try something new, and be willing to fail spectacularly. If you do, have a good laugh with your partner. Laugh out loud! Never take dance seriously; taking it seriously defeats the purpose. A dance without laughter is a sad thing indeed, a limited thing.
If your partner does something unexpected, intentionally or otherwise, run with it, play with it; dance! Never react negatively to the unexpected. Dancing is for joy; negativity has no place in it. Insisting the dance be done "correctly," or dancing "instructively," to help your partner improve, is poisonous and disrespectful. Leave that to teachers, in class. Respect your partner, your friend, the person in your arms - not dance traditions, correctness, authenticity, or other arbitrary mental constructs.
Think of leading as extending an invitation, rather than pushing or pulling or cranking your partner; think of following as responding freely to the invitation: accepting, declining, or creatively moving the dance in a new direction, sort of like accepting with value added. Let your leading be sensitive, and free of domination; let your following be creative, and free of submission.
To lead collaboratively, never shove or crank your partner around. Remember that this is play. Never try to move your partner; move yourself, invite your partner, and be happy with whatever response you get, playing with your partner rather than insisting she do as expected. Gentle pressure can be part of extending an invitation, but it should always be quite gentle, not at all strong enough to move your partner off balance; that's shoving. Gentle pressure is simply part of how you communicate your suggestion, your invitation, and your partner should be free to move herself in that direction, or not move, or move in a different direction. Whatever she does, respond to her movement and stay with her: the lead follows the follow's response.
To follow collaboratively, don't obey your partner and don't struggle with him. Instead, receive his lead, his suggestion, and do everything you can to make a dance out of it by actively responding to it. Dance yourself; don't wait to be moved. It's not his job to move you. But responding is quite different from obeying. If what he's suggesting seems right to you and you like it as is, take it and run with it; give it extra oomph. But if you don't like his suggestion, if it seems somehow wrong, e.g. risky or overbearing, feel free to decline: not going there, sorry. You don't need a reason to decline. If you have your own idea to add to his, or a way to take his idea further, make your own creative addition.
It takes years to learn how to lead and follow collaboratively; everyone has to begin by learning set moves, and learning how to do set moves with a partner. Lots of people stop there, thinking that's all there is to partner dance: learning your part, and learning to make it coordinate smoothly with your partner's part, like clockwork. Learning the clockwork part is a crucial preliminary stage on your way to creative collaboration.
Lead & follow are roles, like parts in a play. Anyone can play either part. To get any good at partner dancing, at some point you start learning the other role; all good dancers do it. If you and your partner both know both parts, it's natural to start swapping roles a bit. Dancing collaboratively and swapping roles are the foundation for blended lead & follow.
Your arm connection with your partner - your frame - is not for moving your partner around. It has 3 purposes: communicating ideas and suggestions back & forth, stabilizing the spatial relationship between your 2 bodies, and offering support for your partner's voluntary movements. The lead moves from his center and that movement radiates outward via his arms, communicating with his partner. The follow simultaneously feels the movement within the frame and sees her partner move; she grasps the intent of that movement and moves in response. The responses are yes, no, or yes and I'm adding something else to it. The frame helps coordinate & stabilize the partners' independent but connected movements, and each partner offers the other firmness and support as needed to make the movement easier. The lead invites the follow to move in a way that suits the music and is easy and natural for her, and is ready to offer support to make that movement even easier; she can choose to accept the support or dance entirely on her own, perhaps in a different direction without her partner's support. It's the lead's job to know, without thinking about it, what kind of step will fit the music, how much weight his partner has on which foot, and what kind of step will be easy and natural for her, and then to follow whatever step she actually does take.
A light touch is more conducive to collaboration. Beginning dancers typically prefer a heavier touch, more strength in the frame: beginning follows want easy-to-read direction, beginning leads want clear feedback and stabilization; beginners tend to rely on each other for help with balance. The longer I've danced, the lighter my touch has become. A heavy touch is fatiguing, and can easily feel overbearing. Common sense would dictate using no more force or pressure than necessary to communicate back & forth and dance together; unnecessary pressure just wears you out, and the arms & shoulders often get especially sore.Feel it out with each partner; aim to err on the light side, using just the amount of strength needed to communicate and keep the dance going.
Almost all leading & following is mediated through the arms (and eyes), because that way either partner (particularly the follow) can easily opt out of a move by letting the arms go limp and not getting get pushed off center. The lead's right arm is around his partner's back, but a skilled lead is always very gentle with the right arm unless the follow voluntarily puts her weight into that arm for support. A skilled lead will never push or pull with his right arm except very gently, as a suggestion.
Don't use your strength to move your partner, use your partner's strength to move yourself. This is one of the great secrets of a good lead/follow connection, equally true for leads and follows: use your connection to move yourself. The only time you move your partner is when your partner asks for it by giving his or her weight and/or balance to you, in effect saying "Here, sweep me along!" To do that for your partner, have the strength of frame ready to offer him or her to assist in any given movement. As you feel that movement begin and the frame strengthening, as your partner commits weight or balance into your arms, respond to that and give your partner the best possible springboard for whatever he or she is doing.
This is the goal, this is creative collaboration: leading and following in both directions simultaneously; lead/follow that's unified, melded into ongoing creative collaboration. Women/follows actively create rather than just interpreting a script written by the man. Men/leads receive and welcome their partner's creativity, and respond to it creatively. Blending lead & follow transforms your relationship with your partner: no assigned roles means you both have to pay exquisitely close attention to each other all the time; you both have to stay awake. You respond to your partner not from a role but simply as an equal, a fellow human. We are 2 humans connecting and playing with each other, rather than 2 roles playing defined parts in a defined hierarchy.
How much you can blend depends in part on how skilled you are and how much dance you know. Well developed dance skills and a big dance vocabulary help you respond to your partner. Blending is easier if you have some common ground with your partner; the more dance you know, the morecommon ground you'll have.
Blending lead & follow means taking on some of the other role: leads become more receptive, follows more actively creative. This deepens the connection between you dramatically, opening up new doors for each of you to connect to the other through. It's not easy for most dancers; there's a hump to be gotten over, because blending the roles is unconventional. It goes against the grain of traditional stay-in-your-role partner dance because it seems like mistakes beginning dancers make: follows who backlead, leads who are wimpy or unclear with their leading. From a traditionalist's perspective, it's just wrong.
Leads make their way over the hump by learning to be more attentive to their partner, feeling and seeing more of what their partner has to offer in the dance, and by shaking off the idea that leading is a privilege that comes with the Y-chromosome. As you tune into your partner and pay more attention to her, your dancing begins to change without you even realizing it. You naturally begin to adjust your leading to each partner you dance with, letting her creative energy shape the moves you lead. As she feels you paying attention, being kind and generous, she's encouraged to dance more creatively, so that you find yourself responding not just to your partner's energy but to palpable creative elements she's now offering. Her creative contributions begin to shape the dance. You begin naturally following your partner's lead as she's following yours.
For follows, it's a matter of relaxing and letting the creative juices begin to flow. Follows get creative initiative beaten out of them, sometimes quite harshly; getting the juices flowing again can be a challenge. Follows need to practice blending lead & follow, and the stages leading up to it, with a partner they know will be receptive and kind. This transition can be a delicate one for follows who've had years of training that it's wrong to take any initiative at all. If a follow's creative initiatives are met with receptivity & encouragement, kindness & generosity, it'll be easier for her to move into more and more active creativity.
The goal is to make the level of focus & interest equal: what the follow has to contribute is just as focal and interesting as what the lead has to contribute. I can say that as a lead, that's not how it feels; it feels more like surrendering all the focus and interest to my partner and her dancing; partners have told me that they feel like they're hogging all the attention & limelight. That's how it should feel, because you're in the course of creating a new balance. Leads need to feel surrender, melting, the giving away quality; follows need to feel assertion, the quality of command and active self-expression. You're not really giving it all away, leads, or taking it all for yourselves, follows, but that's what it will feel like if you're doing it right. It can be a deeply healing experience for both partners.
Creating a safe space for your partner - Moving into blended lead & follow is a process of opening up and becoming deeply vulnerable to your partner; with openness comes vulnerability. So a crucial aspect of your deepening relationship with your partner is providing a safe space for your partner to be creative and vulnerable in. Your partner needs to be able to rely on your skill and sensitivity, and feel very confident you won't do anything stupid. You can only get there by dancing together. As you move into blended lead & follow, it's important to prove to each other, again and again, that you're a reliable partner.
One of the best tools to hone your sense of adventure and explorer's mindset is to keep learning new dance, keep pushing past whatever you're already comfortable with. As you learn new dance, learn both parts. Entering a new world of dance is especially precious because it can be very humbling, particularly if you're already well established in some other dance world. Taking dance classes with a partner you want to collaborate with, classes that challenge you both, is a great way to open up a space for creative collaboration. It levels the playing field, giving you the feeling that you're really in this together with your partner,plus you can begin to experiment with swapping roles immediately.
Taking classes with a like-minded partner also means you can support each other in resisting the propaganda, e.g. this is the only dance worth dancing, or these rules are sacred and must always be followed, or only this kind of music is proper and authentic, yadda yadda yadda. Learn the dance and learn it well, but don't buy the bullshit that comes with it. Learn what's real - if anything - behind the rules; then you can see them in context and are free to break them when that seems best. Get the real essence of the dance and its relationship to the customary music, then find the music you like for that dance. Don't buy the party line.